omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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