i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
