I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
