my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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