I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize