Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
