I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
