There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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