oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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