Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize