1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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