My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
