just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
