looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
