She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
