Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
