We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
