By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize