Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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