How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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