You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
