I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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