i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize