I don't usually arrange sex via text message
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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