It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
