It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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