You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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