i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
