oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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