So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
