yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize