you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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