I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
