How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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