no, he came in my armpit
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
