i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
