there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
