it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
