Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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