how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize