we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
