I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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