we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
