So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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