I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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