Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
