i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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