I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
