Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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