yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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