just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
