i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
