I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
