I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
