But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
