I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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