i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
