I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Please don't give away my fajitas
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