so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
