We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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