this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
