So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
