I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
