That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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