And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize