I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
