haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
