I want you more than these girls want KFC
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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