your parents love me but you hate me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
