You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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