i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
