we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
