You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
