Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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