Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
