weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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