those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
