I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
