Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
