The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
