cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
